White Carnation Visions (ArminxReader) part 6

“Now then, what memory was the most vivid so far?”

You stared at your mother for a long time, grief from the most horrid and vivid memory piercing your heart like a spear. This memory was the one that lead you to your mistake of almost kissing Armin. Remembering his face, his tears, and everything else hurt you.  Remembering such a horrid and painful experience made you nauseated, and it took all of your power to even open your mouth.

“I watched Armin die in front of me, and I died with him.”

Your mom and Erwin’s eyes widened, including Armin’s. His hand trembled in yours. “I-I didn’t get that one…yet…” he mumbled.

“You weren’t supposed to….” Your mom whispered, dropping her writing utensils, “Th-That was….are your memories randomized?”

You nodded, your grave face tired and pained. Your hand gently touched your abdomen, remembering the stabbing pain, the tears Armin cried with you, and the large hand that carried you both to this world through a Titan’s craving. You were grateful in a way, but the pain in his eyes as he died was what really killed you. His sadness and pain was enough to make you cry all over again.

“That’s why you were…” Armin mumbled, “Is that when you….at the library….your eyes…”

You nodded, “I was unable to stop myself. That memory had too much of an impact and I…felt like I wasn’t controlling my body when I had it. It was strange.”

Your mom suddenly stood up and grasped your wrist, “Erwin get Armin in the car we have to go!”

“But Hanji-“

“NOW!”

Her hold on your wrist was strong and extremely uncomfortable. You could barely breathe, especially with everything that’s been on your mind. What was happening here? Mom never acted like this around you. She never had so much worry and fear in her face before. Or…

“(F/n) get out of there! You can’t save him!”

“I won’t leave him behind! He’s saved me and I owe him.”

Hanji growled, “You’ll only be committing suicide if you do this! I won’t allow one of my soldiers to go out and-“

“I have no choice!”

You ride your horse to the right flank, Armin’s flank. Your gut was churning in the most unsettling way, alerting you of danger close by. You had to go find him.

“Armin strap her in!” Your mom cried, tears falling down her cheeks, “She’s going through mixed memories!”

“This is bad,” Erwin cursed, “Why her of all people?”

“W-What’s going on?” Armin gasped, buckling your buckle.

“-save him,” you whispered, holding your knees, “I won’t leave him behind, he’s saved me and I owe him.”

“She’s gone through too much change at one time,” the older brunette sighed, shifting into reverse and backing out of the driveway quickly, “Her brain can’t handle this much at one time. Eventually her brain will swell and start to bleed. Once it gets to that point it’ll be almost impossible to save her. Her organs will start to fail and she’ll die. She’s going through trauma unless….”

“Has this happened before?! Hanji how do you know-“

“Nanaba went through this!” she cried, “I-I saw her…I couldn’t save her...”

She floored it, “Goddam that bastard who cursed this God forsaken family.”

“Take me with you,” Armin whispered, holding you gently from behind, “Take me to the place where you are happiest.”

You look over to Armin, the pigments in your eyes changing to a deep crimson color.

“I’m happiest whenever I’m with you.”

“Shit it’s already starting,” Erwin whispered, “Hanji you better-“

“GODDAM IT! I KNEW IT’D INTERFERE!”

All Armin could do was rub your back, even when you started smiling and telling him he didn’t understand. “Armin I thought we died back there…where are we?”

“Don’t talk to her,” Erwin said, pulling his son’s hand away, “That isn’t (F/n). Not the one we know.”

You started crying, the pain in your abdomen returning, “Armin… Where.Are.We?

His eyes…oh those beautiful blue eyes…where were they? They were staring at the outside world….the clouds and openness almost as beautiful as him. Why was he hiding from you?

“Can you hear me Armin? Where are we?”

You gasped and started screaming, holding your abdomen in pain as your hair started grow longer! “You….can’t…..digest properly…..”

“Hanji she’s turning!”

The car screeched to a halt. Armin quickly undid your seatbelts and left the car. Your mom took hold of you and carried you to the large laboratory. You kicked and screamed blood curdling cries, managing to scratch your mother’s face. Erwin and Armin ran ahead, opening doors. The halls were bare, and you could barely see anything. The pain was so unbearable, that eventually you were numb.

“W-We’ll be okay,” Armin gasped, “Y-You’ll be okay. Th-This isn’t….I-I never…”

You stared down at your hand, holding a white carnation. Pure love.

“Strap her to the table!”

Erwin and Armin worked with the straps while your mother worked through the many cabinets in her room. She finally found a syringe and a clear liquid. Seeing the syringe, you started lashing out.

“NO! NOT AGAIN OH GOD NO!”

“Hanji what’s going on!?” Armin yelled.

Armin stared at the perfect being before him, long (h/c) locks and vibrant red eyes captivating his being. She was so gorgeous, but so scary. How could something so beautiful even exist? She fell back onto the dew dropped blades of grass, landing on her knees. The squeaks of bats flew overhead. Among the mist, the girl of his dreams appeared.

“Promise to keep a secret?” you asked, playing with his silken blonde locks.

“I-I promise,” he whispered, “It’s still going to….I’m just so….how is this possible?”

“I’m not sure,” you whispered, “All I know is that I got shot up with this weird liquid. Kinda funny right? Out of all the other cadets, I’m-“

“She was a Titan Shifter.”

…

Erwin and your mother successfully sedated you into a peaceful sleep. You could still hear everything, but your body was paralyzed and your eyes were shut. You were able to feel soft hands caress your cheeks, jaw, and nape. Fingers played with your (h/c) tresses, curling them and brushing through them. If you could, you’d sigh in happiness. Gosh what were you so upset about again?

“Levi get down here immediately. That’s an order.”

Who was that? What was going on?

“Erwin I don’t know what to do about this. What if she goes berserk again? Does this mean she has an alternate being inside of her?”

“Everything will be okay. We just have to be patient.”

You started to doze off into a dreamless sleep, the soft touches fading away into nothingness.

…

After what felt like a few seconds, the gentle touches of hands returned, but the feeling of something soft was pressed against your lips as well. You started to twitch your fingers and move your lips with the others. Your heart raced, their soft perfect lips pressing a bit harder against yours. Your heart raced and your stomach felt hot. You didn’t know what you were doing, but when you opened your eyes, you stared into those perfect ocean blue irises you cared about so much. His blush spread like wildfire, and he started to pull away. You wanted to pull him back, but you couldn’t move your arms. You looked down and saw your wrists, ankles, thighs, and waist tied in restraints.

“Armin,” you whispered, noticing how dark it was in the room. You looked beside you to see the night sky, glittering and shining brightly, “It’s beautiful outside.”

You looked back at him, tears pouring out of your now (e/c) eyes, “I felt so inhumane before I slept. I-I hurt Mom…”

Hands caressed your face, gentle thumbs wiping the tears away. “Everything is okay (F/n),” he whispered, his own tears falling on your forehead, “E-Everything will be okay. G-G-God you s-scared me.”

He squeaked out the last part and started sobbing into your hair, his body sat in a chair beside your table. His hand moved down to your hand, grasping it for dear life. You couldn’t help but smile a little. He really did care for you, even if you were a…monster. He didn’t care. He always loved you no matter what, and you loved him for that.

“I-I thought you’d die,” he whispered, his sobs calming down, “H-Hanji said your brain would swell a-and-“

“Shhh,” you whispered, “It’s okay Armin, really. I’m okay now. So long as you are on this Earth, I promise I will never leave you. I never back out of my promises.”

Armin nodded, his puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks making you frown slightly. Seeing him sad made you want to embrace him, but you couldn’t do that. This was cruel punishment right here. They could drug you all they wanted, they could treat you like an animal, they could lie to you about everything in the very beginning and you’d still love them. But they restrained you as you slept, and you wanted to hug Armin. There was probably a reasonable answer for this, but if there wasn’t there was nobody stopping you from escaping.

The door opened, revealing your mother, Erwin, and a male who was around Erwin’s age who was…kind of small. A brunette boy and an Asian girl followed behind him.

“(F/n), how are you feeling?” your mother asked.

“I’m relaxed…but I don’t think Armin’s okay.”

He chuckled, but it sounded more like a choke, “I-I’m okay really. You don’t have to worry about-“
“I want to hug him.”

Everybody looked at you like you were crazy, which made you tear up a little. “Come on guys, he just gave me my first kiss and he’s crying. I-I’m okay I promise.”

“Brat you listen here.”

Your eyes widened at the small male who walked over to your bed, gripping your hair in his hand and yanking your head up to stare into his cold eyes, “Many of our soldiers have died from your condition, and because you weren’t entirely human you’re lucky. You better fucking appreciate that. Now be patient and stay there while Hanji figures out how to fix you properly. Got that?”

You nodded vigorously, leaning back down against the cold, metal table and closing your eyes. He was a really scary person. Your body still trembled even after he walked away. The sudden thoughts of disappointment and dread filled your spirit. It was your fault you were this way. You hadn’t controlled the monster and you let it out. You were a bit confused, since you vaguely remembered having to hurt yourself and have a purpose to turn into a titan. Why did this happen now? Your eyes opened and stared up into Armin’s, his glittering jewels not leaving you for a second. It made you wonder how he could still love you like this, even after lashing out. So much has happened in the past few days, so how could he still love you the same as he did back then? His body trembled slightly, and it got you thinking.

“Armin,” you whispered, “Are you scared of me now?”